Not too good for a glow up.
There comes a time when each of us will find herself having a minor, mid-winter existential crisis in a Banana Republic dressing room in Appleton, Wisconsin.
There comes a time when each of us will find herself having a minor, mid-winter existential crisis in a Banana Republic dressing room in Appleton, Wisconsin. As you stare at the stranger in the mirror, you’ll realize you haven’t seen your shoulders or clavicle since Halloween. The fluorescence makes your skin appear so white it seems to be lit from within. There’s no barrier between you and the dressing room mirror—no stretch of bathroom counter or bedroom vanity—so you’re really able to get in there to take in the eyebrow hairs that are somehow sprouting halfway down your cheekbones and the tiny snaking blood vessels embellishing your nostrils. The clearance chartreuse cocktail dress you’re wearing matches your teeth a little too well. Said teeth should actually be the color of the calf-length workout socks you were too lazy to remove before trying on the cocktail dress. But at least your dandruff is as white as the socks. And you realize that the haircut you got in August is no longer really a haircut, but rather a shapeless cape of hair.
Beholding yourself in a mirror for longer than a passing glance is dangerous. And I hate that that’s the case, both for me and for most of my friends. Working in the disability space for a decade has re-ordered (i.e. healed) many of the expectations I have for my face and body by establishing a new set of criteria for how real beauty manifests in humans. I wish I could say the healing work was complete, but it’s being counteracted every minute of every day by the constant feed of images and videos and ads running on the ever-present screens at the end of my nose. They tell me how I should look, yes, but they also tell me how I should feel—thriving, put-together, effortless, and polished.
The net effect? I stand in a Banana Republic dressing room hoping to feel a certain way, rather than to look a certain way. The most correct response to this is, of course, abstaining from image-based social media and enrolling in therapy. I could follow the path of a high school friend of mine and simply swear off mirrors for the rest of my life. (I haven’t talked to her in fifteen years, so I don’t know how that’s going.) Instead, in a slightly less noble tack, I embarked on a tiny little glow-up.
If you don’t know, a glow-up is the 2025 version of the makeover montage. Glow-ups involve making small upgrades to one’s routine toward the end of improved wellness and increased self-confidence. They’re a mechanism of capitalism: we’re convinced of a false problem and purchasing stuff is the only solution. I won’t pretend to be above participating in this tomfoolery.
I’ve never seen an ugly woman in my life. Exactly zero women I know look like they need a glow-up. But a lot of women I know feel like they need a glow-up, myself included. Countless commentaries have been written about this phenomenon and I’d love to have something smart to say. Instead, I’m telling you the truth. While the lifelong work of unlearning happens, I believe we can do a few things here and now to help ourselves feel more comfortable in our skin and less aware of what we don’t love. Counterintuitively, we can shift the focus from our appearance by first investing a little attention in our appearance.
When I exited that Banana Republic dressing room, I made a plan to spend as little time and money as I could to feel a bit more pulled together, to shift the focus from my insecurities and spotlight my personality. Here’s what I did.
A glow up, step by step
First, I tanned. Here are the facts: I was born with only trace amounts of melanin yet somehow feel like the healthiest version of myself when I look a little toasted...glowing, if you will. I love being in the sun but I also love looking exactly my age, so conventional tanning just isn’t it anymore. I’m not full-on granola, but I do make sporadic, poorly researched attempts to minimize hazardous ingredients in the cosmetics I purchase. I search most products on the EWG database, which led me to the Beauty by Earth Self-Tanning Lotion and Drops. After riding the learning curve of three-ish splotchy applications, the effect was good enough for me.
Then I whitened my teeth. This is low-hanging fruit. For better or worse, Americans have a curious obsession with white teeth (maybe it was those Got Milk? ads so strangely ubiquitous in public schools in the nineties?), which means whitening toothpaste or strips will carry you miles on the self-confidence journey. Henry ran over my white strips Amazon order with his truck and threw the entire smushed box away. I bravely fished them out of the garbage can and I’m pleased to report they still did their job. I’m also pleased to report that Crest White Strips score surprisingly well on EWG. #halfheartedlowtoxlifestyle
Next I blow dried (blew dry?) my hair. Historically, I dry my hair like three or four times a year. It’s sweaty and slow and boring, so I don’t do it often. I recently realized that might be because I’ve been using a hand-me-down Conair hairdryer I inherited from my sister when I was in middle school. That antique started emitting a burning smell a few months back, which I interpreted as God’s blessing to buy the Shark Speed Style Pro. Now I dry my hair once a week and I’m on way to understanding the care and keeping of my four cowlicks. It’s a ten-minute investment that makes me less aware of my appearance, in a really good way.
I put on the same pieces of jewelry. A few years ago I got my colors done—so many thoughts on that coming soon—and learned that silver jewelry suits me best. I own two silver necklaces and have worn the same little hoops, day and night, for years. (Gross?) Wearing my silver herringbone chain and an oversized watch just about every day makes me feel finished. Grown-up women wear jewelry, you know?
After that I roll on perfume. My primary claim to fame is the fact I discovered the cult favorite Maison Louis Marie No. 04 Perfume Oil over a decade ago on a trip to France. If I was applying to be a tastemaker, that would be the only item on my resume. It’s earthy and spicy, and people go wild for it. A couple years ago, my incredibly chic brother gave me a bottle of figgy Diptyque Philosykos on my wedding day, and I tend to wear it in the warmer months. I recently picked up a bottle of amber-y Eidecker Studio Marcie perfume oil on the recommendation of my friend Leah, and it’s really lovely. I like that perfume invites another sense into the experience of putting oneself together. Remember, this isn’t about how we look. It’s about how we feel, and good scents make for good feelings.
I use five minutes to put on makeup (sometimes). I’ve never totally understood the enduring novelty of a “five-minute face,” first introduced to most of us by the iconic Carmindy of What Not to Wear. I cannot imagine how doing one’s makeup could take longer than five minutes, so I’m giving you every trick I’ve got here. As you’ll see, most of these products are from a single trip to Ulta in which I swept my arm down the e.l.f. display and called it a day. Every other product is either a recommendation from a much cooler friend or the trickle-down influence from some TikTok that made it’s way to Instagram Reels and then to me. This is just the lineup I’m using at the moment, so don’t take any of these as blue ribbon endorsements.
Makeup Revolution Mega Bronzer in Cool - Per my color analysis, I have cool undertones. This is one of the few bronzers with cool undertones so it looks more natural on a cool complexion like mine.
e.l.f. Wow Tinted Brow Gel - Brow gel is the one makeup item in which I’ve dabbled most. I’m pretty convinced this e.l.f. gel is as good as Glossier or Anastasia, for like a third of the price.
e.l.f. Lash Xtndr Mascara - If you take away nothing else, just curl your eyelashes. You’ll instantly look awake and curious and engaged—and no one tries to pull any crap with someone who is engaged in life, you know?
Bonus items: These may take us into six-minute territory, and I just hate that. But if you’re willing to invest the extra sixty seconds for a special occasion: Prime eyelids with an eyeshadow primer (this product is, tragically, worth it) and apply Charlotte Tilbury Eyes to Mesmerize Cream Shadow in Oyster Pearl or Urban Decay 24/7 Moondust Glitter Eyeshadow in Space Cowboy. And if you’re prepared to graciously field the attention you’ll get when wearing any kind of lip color, try Chanel Le Rouge Duo Le Tenue, the best lipstick recommendation of all time from my friend Mary.
I bought that dress from Banana Republic and wore it a few weeks later, first to a wedding and then to a gala. And you know what? I felt really, really good in it.
So tell me. What are your tried-and-true tricks for your Banana Republic dressing room moments?
I have ALWAYS said this about teeth whitening. It’s something we all can do no matter what the Lord gave us
5 stars